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"...from the factual to the absurd, including the factually absurd." |
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Hi, I'm Tinkerbell. I belong to Paris Hilton.
Help me! Help me!! |
Some things are really getting under my skin and I need them to change. I've talked to Mama Paris about this, but she won't budge.
First of all, my name ain't "Tinkerbell" -- it's REX!! and I'm a man! I can't stand wearing those dainty outfits anymore!
Secondly, most of the time, I get transported around inside a purse. HelllooOoOo? That sucks!! I ain't no bIg fella, but still, it ain't comfy. Plus, I think I'm super allergic to Paris' Louis Vuitton bag. It makes me fart!
I fart all the time in her Gucci bag because it's so firm that it muffles the noise. It relieves a lot of stress and it also brings me to Point #3.
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Point # 3: Caviar gives me the runs. Paris gets mad at me, but I can't help it. That's why I pooped in the Bentley!
....................................Poo-poo!
It's not that I don't love Paris. I do. She's really sweet, actually. But I can't masquerade as a girl any longer. Part of the reason I'm coming out with the truth is because I knocked up Nicole Ritchie's doggie, Honey Child.* I don't want my babies to not know their papa. No, not Papa Tinkerbell! Papa Rex!!
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And now that Paris and Nicole aren't getting along, I can't see Honey Child anymore! There's friction fractioning our relationship - baby momma drama is bringin' this Chihuahua DOWN!
Help free me! Then I can lose the pink furs and reclaim my love for Honey Child!
I created some t-shirts to help with legal fees, child support and reconstructive testicular surgery.
Thank You.
- Tinkerbell Rex
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**Don't buy these t-shirts, stickers, magnets and shizit just 'cause your momma hates them. "Free Tinkerbell" may seem like a whacked underground movement by a dog who is mental, but this shiznit is real: Tinky Rex must break free! |
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Visit our online store for completely whack shiznit |
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